does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
