apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
