My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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