I love black thongs
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
