dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
