My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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