Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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