I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
