My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
