Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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