i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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