I faked an abortion last night.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
