One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
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