I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
