Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
