Sry I called you an 8
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
