I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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