She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
if i died would you start the facebook group?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
