k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
