the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
false alarm, still single
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
