You made me cry and you don't even care
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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