i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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