in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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