Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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