it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
