A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
