The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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