So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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