I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
