dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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