It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
