I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
