I hate your face
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
A bitchslap is in order.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
