i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
