I wannas sexs uuuuu
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
