I'm jealous of your bromance
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
