It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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