You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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