i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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