I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
