when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
