My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
