Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
40s are totally the cure
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
