Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
