the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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