I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
