one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Terrible idea I love it
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
