My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
