She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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