Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
