I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
