I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
