hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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