I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I look better un-naked...
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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