I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
