He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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