I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
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He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
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YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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