i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
