..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
