you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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