a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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