The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
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I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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