Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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