Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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