I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
