every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
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