Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Everything about him screamed your future.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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