Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
