In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
