Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
