I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
