Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
