everyone is single if you try hard enough
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
