As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
