I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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