so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
