All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
