I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
