I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
