apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
