Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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