she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
