dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
is it fun? or sober?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
