He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
