last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
