My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
