I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
