Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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