my room smells like sperm. sweet.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
