Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
