You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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