I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
