That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Do you remember whose house we're in?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
