is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
and you fell through a lawn chair
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
